Favorite Quotes from Friends
Ross:"What's going on?"
Rachel: "Joey has got a secret peephole! (Joey holding naked picture of Monica)"
Chandler: "Oh no no no no!"
Rachel:"Yes he has a naked picture of Monica, he takes naked pictures of us, then he eats
chicken, and then he looks at them!"
Chandler:"So, uh now that little Chandler turned out to be a girl, what are they going to name
her?"
Phoebe:"They're going to call her Chandler."
Chandler:"Kind of a, masculine name, don't you think?"
Phoebe:"Works on you."
Ross:"How do you know?! We thought Carol was straight before I married her."
Phoebe:"Yeah, definitely I don't like the name Ross."
Ross:"What a weird way to kick me when I'm down."
(everyone laughs)
Ross: "Nevermind, my girlfriend's a lesbian"
Ross:"Wait! uh, listen, I, I, I have to tell you something. Um - I've been thinking. I'm just going
to come out and say it okay. I uh, I think...I love you."
Emily:"Oh"
(they hug)
Emily:"Thank you."
(Emily takes off for her plane)
Ross:(standing dejected)"It's no problem."
Phoebe:"You know, it doesn't matter how much I'm craving it. You know why I'm never going
to eat meat, it's murder, it's cold blooded murder. "
Chandler:"Okay"(munches sandwich)
(Phoebe bites other end of sandwich)
Chandler:"There's a Phoebe on my sandwich!"
Rachel:"Ahhh! I can't believe this. All I wanted was just a few hours outside of work to see
Joshua, so that he could go ahead and start falling in love with
me."
Phoebe:"Awww, Pheebs"
Rachel:"Honey, that's your name."
Phoebe:"That's short for Phoebe? - I thought that's just what we called each other."
Ross:"What is Chandler Bing's job?"
Rachel:"Ohhh...ohh gosh...it has something to do with numbers!"
Monica:"and processing!"
Rachel:"and he carries a briefcase!"
Ross:"10 seconds! you need this or you lose the game!"
Monica:"It's ummm has something to so with transponding!"
Rachel:"Ohh! Ohhh! He's a transponc...transponcsder"
Monica:"THAT'S NOT EVEN A WORD!!"
Chandler:"Hey you know what, I got two tickets to tonight's Rangers game - you wanna
come
with me?"
Rachel:"Cute guys in little shorts - sure."
Chandler:"Actually it's a hockey team so it's angry Canadians with no teeth."
Rachel:"Well that sounds fun too. Thank you."
Chandler:"Okay."
(they hug)
Chandler:"Have you ever been with a woman?"
Rachel:"What! Chandler what is the matter with you?"
Chandler:"So there is no good time to ask that question."
Ross:"Hey you know Mon, if things work out between you and Richard's son you'll be able to
tell your kids that you slept with their grandfather."
Monica:"Fine! Judge all you want to but (to Ross) married a lesbian, (to Rachel) left a man at
the altar, (to Phoebe) fell in love with a gay ice dancer, (to
Joey) threw a girl's wooden leg into the fire, (to Chandler) live in a box."
Phoebe:"Oh, yeah, that's right, the keyboards, huh."
Ross:"Yeah, I mean just a little in high school, but then I really got into it in college. That's,
that's when I really found my sound."
Monica:(drinking orange juice, snorts)"...Oh god, orange juice just came out of my nose but
it
was totally worth it."
Joey:"Hey. Man, it is so hard to shop for girls, ohh."
Chandler:"Yes it is at OFFICE MAX."
Ross:"Come on, you can't tell me that you actually believe that there's a woman inside that
cat."
Rachel:"I believe it."
Ross:"No you don't."
Rachel:"Yes I do."
Ross:"No you don.... you know what, you're not gonna to suck me into this."
Rachel:"Oh, sure I am. Because you always have to be right."
Ross:"I do not always have!!...okay, okay (gets up and heads to door)"
Rachel:"Jurassic Park could happen." (Ross pauses at doorway, then leaves)
Monica:"Anyway I tried, but I couldn't bend that way. So...(looks at Joey)"
Ross, Rachel, and Phoebe (looking at Joey):"Ewwwwwwww!"
Joey:"That's right, I stepped up! ... She's my friend and she needed help! ... If I had to, I'd pee
on any one of you!"
Joey:"Yeah, maybe it's like you know that jock thing, you know how football players pat
each
other after touchdowns (slaps Ross on his butt)"
Rachel:"You know, I don't understand guys. I would never congratulate Monica on a great
stew by, you know, grabbing her boob."
Chandler:"Yeah, for a really great stew, you just, you know, stick your head in between
them."
Phoebe:"Well, yeah, because I have to break up with someone. Okay so Jason is sensitive
(holds up one finger on right hand), but now so is Vince (holds
up one finger on left hand), plus Vince has the body, you know (holds up two more fingers on
left hand), so, it's really just about the math."
(chick watching "Baywatch"):"peep peep"
Chandler:"I know. See, yes, that's Yamine Bleeth. She's a completely different kind of chick.
I
love you both - but in very different ways."
Ross: "Wait wait wait wait! My foot is stuck in the pocket."
Phoebe:"What?"
Ross:"I can't get it out!"
Phoebe:"That's not something a girl wants to hear."
Ross:"No. Come on, don't start."
Ross:"Oww!"
Phoebe:"What?"
Ross:"Stupid balls are in the way!"
Joey(comes in the door): "G.I. Joe! Cool - can I play? "
Ross:"Look Ben, it's a toy that protects U.S. oil interests overseas."
Ross and Joey together:"Go Joe!"
Chandler: "Okay, well, Janice said uh - "Hi, do I look fat today?", and I I looked at her... "
Ross:"Whoa whoa whoa!"
Rachel:"Oh!"
Ross:"You looked at her!? (chuckle) You never look. You just answer. It's like a reflex: 'Do I
look fat?' - No... 'Is she prettier than I am?' - No... 'Does size
matter?"
Rachel: "No."
Ross:"And it works both ways."
Joey (to Ross): "And before you know it, she's with him. And you'll be all:
'Ohhhhh mannnn'
and he'll be all:
'Yeassss!'
and us, we'll be like:
'Aahhh, ddude..'
and, pretty soon you'll be like:
(in depressed Ross drawl) 'haaaiii'
and and and:
(in whiny Ross drawl) 'I can't go, Rachel and Mark might be there'
and we'll be like:
'Man, get over it, it's been four years!'
Chandler: "He paints quite a picture, doesn't he?"
Joey (to Chandler): "Okay buddy boy, here it is! You hide my clothes, I'm wear'in everything
you own!"
Chandler:"Oh my god! That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!"
Joey: "Look at me! I'm Chandler - could I BE wearing any more clothes? Maybe if I wasn't
going "commando"
Chandler:"nnnn..nnnnn!"
Joey: "Whoo, I tell you it's hot with all this stuff on I uh, I better not do any, I don't know,
lunges... "
Joey: "Alright now remember. Something this big and long is very difficult to manuever.
Fortunately I have a lot of experience in that area (heh heh)."
Ross:"Can we please focus here! A naked mans's life hangs in the balance."
Phoebe:"I'm telling you he's dead. What we're about to have here is a dead fat guy on a
stick!
"
Joey:"Alright ladies and gentlemen, let's poke. Steady...steady... okay a little higher...careful
of the angle...ok, ok, we're approaching the window...thread
the needle...thread the needle (they poke Ugly Naked Guy)"
Phoebe:"He's alive! He's alive!"
Monica:"And yet we're still poking him."
Joey:"Okay! Retract the device! Retract the device!"
Ross:"He does not look happy."
Rachel:"Hey hey - now he's showing us his poking device."
Joey:"Hey that's never going to make it all the way over here, buddy!"
Ross: "So I told Carl, nobody, no matter how famous their parents are, nobody is allowed to
climb on the dinosaur. But of course this went..."
Rachel (thinking):"I love how he cares so much about stuff. If I squint, I can pretend he's Alan
Alda."
Monica (thinking):"Oh good, another dinosaur story. When are those going to become
extinct?"
Chandler (thinking):"If I was a super hero who could fly and be invisible, that would be the
best. "
Gunther (thinking):"What does Rachel see in this guy? I love Rachel. I wish she was my
wife."
Joey (thinking):"dun dun dun dun duh duhh. dun dun dun dun duuh. dun duhh"
Phoebe (thinking):"Who's singing?!"
Ross:"Excuse me. Your...em...your, your 'wind?' "
Rachel:" Yes, my wind. How do you expect me to grow if you won't let me blow!"
Ross: "You know I don't...I don't have a...have a problem with that."
Phoebe:"I've never seen this part before. Hey, Travis, whatcha doin' with that gun? Oh no. No
no Travis put down the gun. No no no no, he's he's your
buddy! he's your Yeller! No! THE END! THE END! (gunshot)... Okay what kind of a SICK
doggy snuff film is this!?"
Ross and Chandler come in the door looking bummed)
Ross and Chandler:(in depressed-Ross drawl)""Hi"
Rachel:"What's the matter with you!"
Chandler:"Mean guys at the coffee house took my hat!"
Rachel:"No!"
Joey:"You're kiddin!"
Ross:"It was ridiculous. You know, these guys they were bullies. ACTUAL bullies, you know.
We're grown ups. This kind of stuff isn't supposed to happen
anymore."
Rachel:"awww...ohhh..." (walks over and hugs Ross)
Ross:(hugging Rachel)"hi"
Chandler:"ohhh...(reaches over to air). Oh no wait a minute, I have no one."
Joey:"Why can't we use the same toothbrush, but we can use the same soap?"
Chandler:"Because soap is soap - it's self-cleaning."
Joey:"Alright, well, next time you take a shower, think about the LAST thing I wash, and the
FIRST
thing you wash."
Ross:"Alright you kids, bye now!"
Phoebe and Ryan (Charlie Sheen): "Bye!" (wave with oven mitts taped to their hands)
Ross:""Oh look look look - a low budget puppet show!"
Phoebe:"Hah hah hah hah - it's such a shame you can't see what finger I'm holding up!"
Erica (Brooke Shields):"How can you be here and there?"
Joey: "Cause it's a television show!"
Erica: "Drake, what are you getting at?"
Joey:"I'm NOT Drake."
Ross:"(gets ups) That's right - he's not Drake...he's Hans Ramoree, Drake's evil twin!"
Erica:"Is this true?"
Rachel:"Yes, yes it is true. And I know this because...because he pretended to be Drake to,
to sleep with me! (throws glass of water in Joey's face)"
Monica:"And then he told me he would run away with me - and he didn't! (throws another
glass of water in Joey's face)"
Chandler:"And you left the toilet seat up, you BASTARD! (throws yet another glass of water
in
Joey's face)"
Ross: "No, no! I want to stay and talk about this!"
Rachel:"Okay, alright - how was she?"
Chandler: "Uh oh!"
Ross:"Huh, what!"
Chandler: "Was she good?"
Joey:"Don't answer that."
Rachel:"Come on Ross, you said you wanted to talk about it, let's talk about it! How was
she!?"
Ross:"She was..."
Joey:"Awful"
Chandler:"Not good not good"
Joey:"Nothing compared to you"
Chandler:"Terrible"
Ross:"She, she was...different"
Joey:"Oooohh"
Chandler:"Uh oh"
Rachel:"GOOD different?"
Ross:"Nobody likes change."
Chandler: All right, kids, I've got to get to work. If I don't input those numbers . . . it doesn't
make much of a difference.
joey: You know what blows my mind? Women can see breasts anytime they want. Just look
down, and there they are. How you get any work done is beyond me
Phoebe: This is nice. We never do anything just the two of us.
Chandler: That's great. Maybe tomorrow we can rent a car and run over some puppies.
Phoebe: Eehh! I don't want to do that.
Monica: Why don't you just get a roommate?
Ross: I dunno, I think you reach a certain age and having a roommate is kinda path - (off
everyone's looks) sorry, that's pathetic, which is Sanskrit for "really cool
way to live."
Phoebe: I'm doing alll new material tonight. I have twelve new songs about my mother's
suicide and one about a snowman.
Chandler: Uh, you might want to open with the snowman.
RACHEL: .....its unisex
JOEY: Maybe you need sex, I had sex a couple of days ago
RACHEL: No U-N-I-SEX.
JOEY: Ohhhhh (wink, wink, wink)
JOEY: Rember when you were a kid, and your mom would drop you off at the movies with a
jar of jam and a little spoon?
RACHEL: You're so pretty.
Chandler: "Oh! I think this is the episode of Three's Company where there's some kind of
misunderstanding."
Chandler: "I'm smoking, I'm smoking, I'm smoking."
Phoebe: "I can't believe you, you've been so good for three years!"
Chandler: "And this is my reward!"
Joey: "I can't sleep in my underwear."
Chandler: "Well, you're gonna."
Ross: "I'm not in the [friend] zone."
Joey: "You're mayor of the zone."
Rachel: Men can pee standing up!
Chandler: We can? Okay, I'm trying that.
Chander: "I'll show you to my room... That sounds so weird when it isn't followed by 'no
thanks, it's late.'"
Chandler: "That's a realtively open weave and I can still see your... nipulary region."
Joey: "Phoebe is Phoebe but Ursula is hot"
Ross: "What about Pheobe's birthday?"
Joey: "Is that today? What are the odds?!"
{long pause}
Ross: "You take your time."
{Joey gets it}
Chandler: "Theeeeeere it is!"
Chandler: "My whole life is one big lesbian wedding."
Chandler: "Why yes Ross, pressing my third nipple opens the delivery entrance to magical
land of Narnia."
Chandler: "Hitting her with a frying pan is a good idea. We might want to have a backup plan
though, just in case she isn't a cartoon. "
Phoebe: "I'm playing the field. I'm juggling two guys. I'm sowing my wild oats. I'm like some
kind of oat-sowing, field-playing juggler."
Chandler: "You want some chocolate milk?"
Ross: "No thanks, I'm 29."
Ross: "What did the insurance company say?"
Chandler: "Oh, thay daid 'you don't have insurance here so stop calling us'".
Chandler: "No, [nipple] it's totally useless."
Rachel: "As appose to your other multi functioning nipples?"
Joey: "You hide my clothes, I'm gonna do the exact opposite to you.
Chandler: "What you're, what you're gonna *show* me my clothes!"
Joey: "Opposite...is opposite!!"
Chandler: "I win, you suck, I rule all!! Mini wave in celebration of me!!"
Ross: "Every week, the TV guide comes to Joey and chandler's apartment. Who's name is it
under?"
Rachel: "Ooh! ooh! Chandler gets it, it's Chandler Bing!!"
Monica: "NO!!!"
Ross: "I'm sorry, that's incorrect. It comes to a ...Chanandler Bong."
Monica: "I knew that. Rachel! Use your head!!"
Chandler: "No, it's MISS Chanandler Bong...."
Joey: "Some girl ate Monica!"
Monica: "Shut up. The camera adds ten pounds."
Chandler: "Ahh, so how many cameras are actually on you?"
Joey: "If the homo sapiens, are in fact, homo sapiens, is that why they're extinct?"
Chandler: "condoms?"
Joey: "you never know how long we're gonna be in here. we may have to repopulate the
world."
Chandler:"and condoms would be the way to do that"
Rachel [to Joshhua]: "alright, so let me show you my underwear...um, the selection of
underwear that we carry."
Chandler [to the duck, while watching Baywatch]: "yes, i know what you're thinking and yes
your breasts are just as firm andjuicy."
Chandler [to Kathy]: "Do you want bow or stern?"
Kathy: "i really don't have a preference....you?"
Chandler: "i like it in the stern...of the boat."
Joey [after he found his hand twin]: "alright if none of you believe that this is a good idea,
then
none of you can live in my giant hand-shaped mansion... except you
Pheobes you can live in the thumb."
Ross [after Joey hurt his arm]: "what did the doctor say?"
Joey: "i have to where a cast for a couple of weeks."
Ross: "what did you tell him when he asked you how you hurt it?"
Joey: "Chandler sold me out, i had a whole story worked out."
Chandler: "well, i'm sorry Joe i just don't think he would have believed that it just fell out of
the
socket."
Ross: "Heating device"
Phoebe: "Radiator"
Ross: "Five letters"
Phoebe: "Rdtor!"
Phoebe: "Something just brushed up against my leg!"
Monica: "Eeeewww! What is it?"
Phoebe: "Oh, it's just my other leg.
Ross: "We cuddled..."
Joey: "Ooooh! How many times?"
Ross: "Shut up - it was nice."
Chandler: "Or, 'You're such a nice guy' means: 'I'm going to be dating leather wearing
alcoholics, and complaining about them - to you.'"
Ross: "The doctor got the 'K' out. They also found an 'M' and an 'O.'"
Chandler: "We think he was trying to spell out 'Monkey.'"
Joey's Girlfriend: "There is a child inside this man."
Chandler: "Yes, the doctors say that if they remove it he'll die."
Phoebe: "Oh, oh, oh. Guess what?
Chandler: "The last dentist caved and now all five recommend Trident?
Ross: "Four-letter word for circle..."
Chandler to the phone: "Ring, dammit, ring!"
Ross: "Thank you"
Joey: "You know there already is a Joseph Stalin?
Chandler: "No!"
Joey: "Yeah, he was some Russian dictator who slaughtered all these people. You think you
would've known that."
Chandler: "You think I would've!"
Chandler: "Smoking is cool, and you guys know it.
Chandler: "How are we gonna choose which baby is Ben?"
Joey: "OhI know we can flip for it!"
Chandler: "What will be heads and what will be tails?"
Joey: "um...ok, ducks will be head...cuz ducks have heads!"
Chandler: "What kinda scary ass clowns were at your party as a kid!"
Ross:"Actually, I haven't even been home - do you mind if I check my messages?"
Rachel: "Oh yeah, go ahead."
Ross: "Rach! - I got a message from you!...Who's Michael?"
Rachel: "Oh my god...Oh my god Ross no hang up the phone! (runs over and jumps onto
Ross) Gimme the phone Ross! Gimme the phone gimme the phone
gimme the phone!"(they bump into kitchen sink)
Ross: "You're over me????"
Rachel:"oh my god oh god oh god"
Ross: "What, you're uh, you're over me????"
Rachel:"oh god oh oh oh"
Ross: "When..when were you...under me????"
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